BEND — I did not mention last week that the priests of the Diocese had just completed their annual retreat. In our relatively busy and at times even hectic world it is very easy for us to get caught up in a pattern of thinking and doing without adequately reflecting upon what that thinking and doing really mean. This is where the importance of a spiritual retreat, and even an annual one, can be seen most clearly. There is a definition of personality disorder which I heard a number of years ago and one which stuck with me. As I recall it is a deeply engrained, maladaptive pattern of behavior. From early childhood we develop patterns of acting and interacting which are based in part on inherent tendencies as well as on the family system from which we come. Some of those patterns of acting and interacting may have worked well within the context of the family system in which a person is raised but they may not work at all in another social group. These patterns of behavior are almost automatic and so those who live them may be almost entirely unaware that they are not working in the new social context. In the same way and at the same time, I think we can develop deeply ingrained, maladaptive patterns of spiritual behavior which may have served well in a family of origin but which do not work at all in another context. Clearly, not everyone has a diagnosable personality disorder but I would venture to say that most of us have one or two areas of our lives where a deeply engrained, maladaptive pattern of behavior is manifested. It is simply a tendency to sin.

Without the grace and time of retreat those areas of darkness in our lives might never be recognized. If they are not recognized they will never be understood and if they are not understood they will never be challenged. It is extremely difficult to take a long introspective look at who we are, how we live, how we treat others, how we live or fail to live Gospel values. This can be done in a prolonged, grace filled time of retreat. Perhaps it is precisely because this honest introspective look at our own lives is so difficult that many actively resist it. Perhaps the devil knows very well how beneficial such a retreat experience could be and so he militates vehemently against it. It seems that the devil does not usually have to work too hard to have us succumb to the temptation to resist or avoid a retreat or a full day of recollection.

While the Church does insist that every priest, religious and seminarian make a spiritual retreat each year there is no such requirement for the laity. This in no way implies that the laity would not benefit from such a regular spiritual exercise. Quite the contrary, since retreats are important for clergy and religious they are likewise important for the laity as well. It is sometimes obvious that priests and religious have blind spots in their lives despite the fact that they make annual retreats. The prevalence of blind spots is not unique to clergy or religious. In brief, the laity need retreats too.

My weekend travels were a bit of a retreat, but it would be an error to equate travel through beautiful countryside vistas as a spiritual retreat. I made my way to John Day for Mass on Saturday evening. I took a little side trip to view the church at Seneca and to discuss its future with a small group of interested residents. Sunday morning there was Confirmation at John Day where two young men were quizzed and confirmed. Once again a youngster from the congregation volunteered one of the answers much to the delight of the congregation. Immediately after Mass we went to the outlying Mission of Saint Anne where both a Confirmation and a First Holy Communion were scheduled. At Saint Anne’s there was the smallest possible Confirmation class, a class of one, with an entire congregation of nine. It is very possible, and I am ashamed to acknowledge this, that this may have been the first time that I celebrated Mass at Saint Anne’s in Monument. From Monument we backtracked to Longview and then to Saint Katherine’s Church for an afternoon Mass. I suspect that both Saint Anne and Saint Katherine qualify as the smallest Missions of the entire Diocese. The usual attendance at Saint Katherine’s may be as high as eleven and for my Mass there were seven. There are reportedly a number of other Catholics in the area but the demands of ranch life and other concerns seem to override the sense of obligation to attend Mass with any degree of regularity. If a Parish of a thousand people or more misses one or two families the impact is not very noticeable but in a community where there may be only six or seven Catholic families the absence of one or two is felt quite dramatically. It may appear that the folks who live in an entirely rural setting hundreds of miles from any city would be rather well recollected. They might even hint that they are on retreat all of the time. The truth, however, is that the devil works as deceptively on them as he does on the residents of large metropolitan areas.

Coming back from Saint Katherine’s I dropped the pastor off at Longview and then proceeded again through Monument and on to Kimberly. This is a gorgeous stretch of road traversing along the John Day River near the John Day fossil beds area. The view of Cathedral Rock is always intriguing as are the great variety of rock formations and soft hued colors. The trip was a bit of a retreat but it is relatively easy to come to a wonderful sight and to utter a brief exclamation of praise to God for the beauty of His creation. This, however, is only the very first step in a series of steps which need to be taken in an authentic retreat. Recognizing and acknowledging the grandeur and goodness of God is a great first step. This we hope to have at our Powell Butte property. Then one needs to acknowledge that this good God loves each of us despite the fact that we are sinners. This we likewise hope to do at our own Retreat Center. As we recognize and acknowledge our sinfulness we then seek forgiveness. Seeking forgiveness we resolve to try to live a bit differently. Perhaps we recognize some of our blind spots, our spiritual personality disorders, and in recognizing them in a graced moment cry out: I need to change! Lord, help me! Then we are on retreat, then God can work wonders with us. Do not underestimate the power and thus the spiritual need for an authentic retreat.